


Hope

by Starofwinter



Series: Journals of the GAR [4]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Confessions, Diary/Journal, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 12:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13123809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: Fear and hope are the antitheses of one another.





	Hope

I’m scared.

I shouldn’t be.  I’m a clone, we’re meant to be fearless.  We’re meant to be the best of the best, but all I can think about is that I’m not.  I try to be - following my brothers’ footsteps, doing what they do, but under it all, I’m afraid, and I hate it.

I hear a lot about how bad things are for us, that the war won’t ever end, that we’re all going to die, that we’re not going to win, but… I can’t believe that.  I can’t believe that war and death is all we get.  There’s so much more in the galaxy that I want to see, and I can’t stop hoping that I get to see it.  The whole galaxy is out there, alive and beautiful and bright, and so I keep holding onto the hope that I’ll get to see it one day.

That’s why I’m scared, though.  I’m afraid that I won’t get to see it, that I’m not going to be good enough, that I haven’t trained enough, that I’m not strong enough.  I want to be like my vode, but I don’t think I am.  There’s always something else, some way that I’m not  _ enough _ and I don’t know what to do.  I try not to be too soft or anything, but still.  

I’m afraid - more than I’m scared of dying - that I’m going to let my brothers down when they need me.  They rely on me as much as I rely on them, but what if I’m not good enough?  What if I’m not strong?  I can’t fail them.  

I have to keep hoping, though.  I hope that in the end, I’ll be the brother they need me to be, and that we’ll all see the end of the war.

I’m afraid of what will happen if I stop hoping.


End file.
